My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I just sucked dick on a ferry
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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