Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
