You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
