I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
