i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
