I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
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