You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
