Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
