Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
