hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize
