if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Randomize
