Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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