I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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