i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
