yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
