I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Randomize
