Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Randomize
