the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
