Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
