we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize
