She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
A+ Viking dick
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
