He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
A+ Viking dick
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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