why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
