By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
