I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize
