She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
