But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
even my farts smell like vagina
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
