did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
