i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
