Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
