Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Randomize
