i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
