just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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