Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
