Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
