the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
