My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
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