I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
