who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
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