I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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