Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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