found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
