omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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