Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
