i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
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