It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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