WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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