I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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