He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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