he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Randomize
