she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
