nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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