nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
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