i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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