did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
